If I Ain't Got You
by It's Fun Being Me
Summary: Logan has been kicked, torn, ditched, and abused his whole life. He questions why he's even here, no one likes him, and he's obviously a waste of space. And right now, he really needs someone there to save him, more than ever.
1. Stowing Away

**If I Ain't Got You**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

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><p><strong>Okay so this idea has just kind of been floating around in my head for a while. I've been deciding what to do in it, and what I should call it. At first it was "Halo" and then it was "Journey" but then I finally decided on this so…live with it if you can. So anyways, I'm finally starting it and I hope it goes over well :D. Please review and tell me what you think.<strong>

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><p>Logan shriveled up in the corner of his room, not sure whether to take the news as good or bad. It wouldn't matter anyway, it's not like he could get James to stay. It all happened about a year ago…<p>

While the boys were trying to get first place in the hockey tournament, Kendall, Carlos, and James were all becoming closer. They started to leave Logan out of all of their activities. Soon, they were actually almost starting to avoid Logan. It was nothing the boy wasn't used to. His parents neglected Logan ever since he was four. So, after a few months of loneliness, the pain started to come back from his childhood, and he started to cut himself. Yes Logan knew it was unhealthy, but he couldn't stop. It seemed to make him forget things and focus on the real pain at hand. One day while the boys were changing into their hockey uniforms, James noticed the scars on Logan's wrists. He confronted Logan about everything the next day when James got him alone. Logan confessed to everything, about how he felt. James laughed and told him that they were just growing closer, and the last thing James wanted, was to make Logan feel left out. So after, when the three were doing things again, James would always invite Logan to come along. And if it was something Logan didn't want to do, James would always stay back with him, and Logan stopped cutting himself. After awhile Logan and James got pretty close. The boys kind of broke off into pairs. Carlos and Kendall would always go do stuff together and James and Logan would go do things too. One day, after it seemed James and Logan couldn't get any closer, James wanted to audition to become a singer for Roque Records. Logan supported him, figuring that the odds were not in his favor, and he wouldn't have to be worried about losing him. But, James actually got the job, and Logan had to choke back tears and put on a smile for weeks. Then one day, James was gone. He was living the life, he moved to California, away from Logan. Almost instantly, it felt as if Kendall and Carlos were shunning Logan again, running off to do their own things, whether it was hunting down girls, going paint balling, or playing laser tag. Logan got the lonely feeling again and started to cut himself again. Kendall and Carlos never paid enough attention to Logan to notice. To them, Logan was just another one of the guys on the hockey team, not even a friend practically.

It had been practically 7 months since James left. Kendall called Logan. He said nothing but to pack a suit case. So just in case, Logan had told his mom that he may be gone for a week or two. His father was in prison for drug overdose, and his mom had just barely gotten out of counseling to be a better parent. She told him okay and simply let him go.

Logan had just finished packing when Kendall had told him that James was coming in concert tonight. And now here we are with Logan backed into the corner of his room. He received another text from Kendall that told him to bring the suitcase. So, Logan pulled himself together and walked into the driveway finding Kendall's car.

"Hey," Logan's face masqueraded the pain and seemed to transform into a huge smile. He was very good at putting up a happy front. He learned from his past that it was easier to act happy, so he finally perfected his fake smile and made it through all of those years.

"Hi," Kendall smiled back. "Throw your stuff in the trunk." He told Logan. The smaller boy went to the back and opened the trunk. He slid his suitcase in the remaining space and slammed it shut. Logan went and opened the car door and sat in the backseat.

"So where are we going after?" Logan asked them.

"It's a surprise." Kendall grinned over to Carlos. They hadn't been telling Logan anything for the past week that they had this planned. Logan figured it was normal; they never shared anything with him anymore. This was the first thing that they invited him to do in a long time. That part made Logan feel a little special.

After about twenty minutes of driving they finally pulled up to the arena and Logan felt his stomach about let the butterflies loose. The smart boy was a little lost, why did they show up at the concert around eleven p.m.? There wouldn't even be anywhere to park, what was the point? But Kendall wasn't looking for a place to park. He kept driving until they reached the back of the arena and found the actual tour bus. He popped open the trunk and parked the car. Kendall and Carlos both flew out of the car and grabbed their suitcases.

"Guys what's going on?" Logan asked.

"We're breaking into the tour bus." Kendall yelled in a whisper. "We're going to be on tour with him for the next half year!" Kendall's voice was very happy, and Logan's stomach reached a whole new level of sick. Reluctantly, he stepped out of the car, grabbed his suitcase, and followed them to the tour bus.

"Guys, we don't have a way to get in." Logan stated. "So we tried, might as well just give up now."

"Please Logan," Kendall started. "me and James worked this whole thing out." Kendall smiled. He grabbed the lever and pulled the door open. "Come on, it's giant in here." Kendall said. Carlos and Logan both followed. Their leader, Kendall, wasted no time in throwing his suitcase on the bed right over the driver's seat. "I love these things." He stated as he climbed up and sat on it.

"I call this one!" Carlos called jumping on the giant bed in the back.

"Carlos, I'm pretty sure that's James's," Logan said.

"Oh," Carlos sighed and hopped off of the bed. "Well, never mind then." He rushed back over to Logan and Kendall. "Then I call the couch bed." Carlos set his stuff on the couch. Suddenly, Logan started to laugh.

"Guys, you can't be serious about this." He smiled. "Haha funny joke. Let's go, or our moms are going to kill us." Logan grasped his suitcase.

"See, this is why we didn't tell you until now." Kendall stated. "We knew you would chicken out." Logan was caught a little off guard.

"No I won't," He said. "It's just...I didn't pack enough clothes." He lied.

"Then we'll pick you some up on the road." Kendall stated. "Stop being a baby." Soon, the door opened and James entered the bus.

"James!" Carlos yelled and pounced to the boy. "What took you so long?" Carlos had a small little Latino meltdown and hugged James.

"Gee, I don't know, maybe, _the concert_." James laughed and gave Carlos a noogie.

"Hey James." Kendall got off of the bed.

"What it is Knight." James smiled. Kendall gave James a friendly hug as well. The two boys backed away and made room for Logan, who was already close to tears. He lunged at James and gave him a very heartwarming hug.

"Hey, are you good buddy?" James asked very softly and hugged him back. Logan's head buried into James's chest and the taller boy ran his hand through Logan's hair.

"I'm better now," He actually started sobbing into James's chest. He sighed, knowing that something was wrong.

"Hey guys, so we're hitting Bismarck next." James told them while holding onto Logan tightly. "Um Kendall you can have the top bed, which I guess you already took." He laughed. "And apparently Carlos has the couch, and Logan can have my bed, and I'll sleep on the floor."

"Okay," Kendall smiled.

"Sure," Carlos agreed. The two boys went back to their beds.

"No," Logan said wiping his eyes. "I'll take the floor; you can have your bed." He faked a smile.

"Oh please, we already learned I can see right past that fake smile." James said. He pulled Logan back into the hug. "Well, it's a two person bed; we can both sleep in it as long as you don't feel awkward." James stated.

"Okay," Logan agreed. And with that, the boys started on the road.

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><p><strong>Well, I hope you guys liked it, remember to review, tell me what you liked, what you think, critique me, anything really. Thanks<strong>


	2. The Fight

**If I Ain't Got You**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

**Okay so this idea has just kind of been floating around in my head for a while. I've been deciding what to do in it, and what I should call it. At first it was "Halo" and then it was "Journey" but then I finally decided on this so…live with it if you can. So anyways, I'm finally starting it and I hope it goes over well :D. Please review and tell me what you think. I am kind of hoping to bring the song "If I ain't got you" into the story at least a little bit.**

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><p><strong>Perfectlyjackie: Well here is the next chapter, glad you're excited. :D<strong>

**Logan Henderson Is Mine: Aw thank you ****. Here's the next chapter.**

**Aqua786: Haha, sadly no spooning just yet. And um, I think most of your questions are answered in this chapter, so just read on I guess, haha.**

**Ghjkl: Yes, this story is going to be slash.**

**IantoLover23: Oh thank you, I'm glad my story was chosen, it makes feel special :D. And yes I do love Glee, but it wasn't on last Tuesday, and it's not going to be on this Tuesday! So I'm kind of ticked at that, but yeah it's like my favorite show!**

**Fanmin: Thanks first of all, for following and reviewing, and I hope you enjoy the story.**

**Jazckson: Thanks, I'm going to start **_**another**_** story, like tomorrow called "The Adele Chronicles" it's going to be a tribute to Adele (duh) and it'll revolve around Logan and James. Sadly, "A Kidney For A Heart" and "Not So Innocent" are nearing their ends so… I hope you like this story as it goes.**

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><p><strong>Attention People: Yes this story is going to be slash, just so you don't come in and be all surprised. Anyways thanks.<strong>

**Just a heads up, I feel like the whole first half of this chapter is kind of rushed, but after the end half starts it gets better.**

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><p>Logan woke up the next morning, wrapped up in James's arms. He turned around and smiled at James. The two had always been close before, but Logan always knew that there was something more between them. He couldn't help but feel like he was getting a second chance to snatch James up. The boy slowly woke up after feeling Logan shift around.<p>

"Morning," James gave a half smile and opened one of his eyes. His head slowly swung up and he looked around. Quickly, he let Logan go and turned around in the bed.

"Hey guys," Carlos rushed into the small area where they were. Every time Logan and James had an intimate moment, it was always ruined by something like this. "Come on you guys, get up, me and Kendall want Village Inn." Carlos bounced up and down and then rushed away.

"Okay." James tried to tell Carlos, but he was already gone. "Back to what we were doing." James turned around and smiled, his hand started to rub Logan's arm. "Are you sure you're okay? I don't think you are." James stated, reminding Logan of their conversation last night. His hand was tingling up and down Logan's arm that was covered by his long sleeve shirt.

"I'm fine." Logan grabbed the cuff of his shirt to keep it there. James didn't need to see his scars.

"Well, get ready then," James got out of the bed and then went to go get changed. So, Logan decided to do the same. The smaller boy walked into the bathroom, with his new clothes in hand, and switched what he was wearing. He took notice of the roses that were in the bathroom, and turned the handle. He stopped when he heard James obviously talking to a new girl on the phone.

"Yeah, sure you do…really?" James sounded very interested. "Where's it at?" You could hear the dirty smirk in his voice. And that's when it hit Logan. James never liked Logan that much; he only hung out with him so Logan would stop cutting himself; he never really cared…James left him. About ten minutes later Logan came out of the bathroom, leaving one rose in there bloody, and gained some new found scars.

"Let's go," Logan sounded mad and stomped out of the bathroom.

"Okay will you just tell me what's wrong?" James asked and grabbed Logan by the wrist. Suddenly, he felt something. James turned Logan's arm and lifted up the sleeve and found at least nine scars on his wrist. "Logan!" James shouted. "You've been cutting yourself again?" the boy yanked his arm out of the grasp.

"Don't make this a big thing." Logan pulled his sleeve down.

"It _is_ a big thing Logan," James pulled the shorter boy back to him. "You're cutting yourself again, how isn't this a big deal?" James felt the instant need to care for Logan.

"Drop it!" Logan snapped.

"I can't!" James said. "What happened while I was gone?"  
>"Nothing, it doesn't matter anyway!" Logan tried to walk away but was stopped by James.<p>

"Yes it does matter," James pulled the boy back towards him. "It's for your own good, just tell me why your cutting yourself, and I'll cure it." James said, and looked into Logan's eyes. The brainy boy suddenly felt his knees get weak; all he wanted to do was melt into James's arms. But he couldn't, Logan had to stay strong.

"Let's go, Carlos and Kendall are waiting for us inside." Logan demanded. He moved, but was stopped by James, yet again.

"No," James said in protest. "Tell me what's wrong? You haven't been the same ever since I got back. You're cutting yourself, your attitude is different, _what happened_?" James emphasized.

"Do you want to know what happened?" Logan's eyes turned into daggers as he glared at James, and took a threatening step forward. In other words, Logan. Had. Cracked. "After _you_ left me," Logan poked James in the chest. "I went back to being the loner! You knew I was on the edge of going back to cutting, but you left anyways!" Logan started to shout. "I obviously didn't mean anything to you! You left like it was nothing!"

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"You know damn well what I mean?" Logan cut him off. "I really even doubt I was your best-friend. You probably had some hooker off to the side pushing her boobs in your face, and you'd do anything to get in her pants!"

"You _were_ my best-friend," James quickly stuttered. "I mean, you _are_ my best-friend, we did everything together! I even asked you if I should do this because I thought you might not be okay with it! You told me to go and do it! You said follow your dreams! So I went, I followed you advice! I did nothing but listen to you, and now you're yelling at me?" James voice grew to a yell too. "You're unbelievable, and to think I told Kendall and Carlos to bring you along!" James argued. Then, Logan's stomach tightened. Kendall and Carlos wouldn't have even told him if it weren't for James. Things really haven't changed.

"Well that's good to know!" Logan yelled, eyes not about to give in. "I really am hated! Well you and Carlos and Kendall can go and get screwed somewhere, because I'm getting off next stop!" Logan yelled and grabbed the handle on the door. "And maybe, if I ever feel liked again, I'll stop doing what I did to your roses in there."

"You ripped my roses apart?" James asked.

"No, go check my blood stains on them and we'll see if you get it." Logan spat. "And by the way, I told you to go for this job because I figured the odds were against you! I didn't actually want you to do it! What kind of 'best-friend' hopes that his best-friend will leave?" Those were his last words he said as he opened the door and slammed it behind him, leaving James all alone. The taller boy had to see what Logan did. He looked into the bathroom, and indeed, the roses were covered in Logan's blood.

"Oh my god…Logan…" James suddenly felt a lot worse. A knot in his stomach grew as reality hit. It suddenly squeezed until it hurt, and James fell against the wall. He slid down the wall, realizing what he had just done, given Logan another reason to cut himself. He got a sharp pain in his chest, and started to choke back something. "You don't understand." He whispered to himself, emotions bubbling up in him, and he let a tear drop from his eye. It was true, Logan didn't know why James had to leave, and he assumed it was to follow his dreams but it was so much more, and now he despised him for it. That very thought made James regret his decision as he looked back on the past.

About a month before his audition he started to feel something more for Logan. He would try to get Logan alone every chance he could. When Logan was coming over, he would spend an extra ten minutes on his hair, and wore what he thought he looked best in. He would ask for Logan's opinion just to make sure the boy liked it. James would do everything he could just to get Logan to do a double take. The boy meant everything to James, and he had completely forgotten who Carlos and Kendall were. Then one day, James took a hard look at himself in the mirror, wondering what had become of him. He was destroying everything he was, just to be made perfect for some boy that probably didn't even like him. So he had to take the audition, not to get away from Logan, but to save himself…to save what he couldn't control.

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><p><strong>So thank you so much for everyone who reviewed, please keep reviewing, and I hope you enjoy the story.<strong>


	3. Some Alleys Are Better Left Deserted

**If I Ain't Got You**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

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><p><strong>Okay so this idea has just kind of been floating around in my head for a while. I've been deciding what to do in it, and what I should call it. At first it was "Halo" and then it was "Journey" but then I finally decided on this so…live with it if you can. So anyways, I'm finally starting it and I hope it goes over well :D. Please review and tell me what you think. I am kind of hoping to bring the song "If I ain't got you" into the story at least a little bit.<strong>

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><p><strong>Logan Henderson Is Mine: In every story of mine he's always the depressed one, I should probably change that one time…Haha <strong>

**Camilla: Oh well it pleases me to be the first English story. Well you know thanks, and I hope you have a good time reading it.**

**Aqua786: Well I answered the question about who sent the roses in this chapter, and Carlos and Kendall don't hate him, they just don't pay attention to him. And James I guess just didn't tell them about Logan, he was too busy worrying about other things. I think that was all the questions, now onto the review part. Okay so, meltdowns…I don't think I've ever had one to be honest. Well, maybe one or two against my parents but besides that I don't meltdown regularly. And yeah "Not So Innocent" is ending soon, and so is "A Kidney For A Heart". Uh I made a new story yesterday called "Where the Tides Flow" if you want to read that, but that's just a suggestion. Anyways, and I wasn't doing spooning yet, because I feel it's a little too lovey dovey for this early in the story, so I just did the arm, but if that counts, great! **

**CheekyBrunette: Yeah sorry, only two chapters, I'm trying to juggle four stories right now and I'm about to finish two of them so you know…and you're heart is doing that clenchy thing you say? I get that after I watch Pirates of the Caribbean and realize it's over, haha.**

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><p>It was later that same night and the boys were finally in Bismarck and James was in his concert. Carlos, Kendall, and Logan had decided to go and hang out by the stores nearby.<p>

"Come on guys," Kendall started pulling Carlos's arm. "Let's go into this one." Kendall rushed into, yet another, Seven Eleven. They quickly shopped and got nothing more than a couple of slurpee's.

"Oh how about this one," Carlos dragged them into a pet store. Logan was glad that they were taking him along, even if they just talked to each other and not him. At least they were bringing him along. "Oh my god! Look at that bird!" Carlos jumped over to the cage. "I want one of these!" He shouted.

"Carlos, we can barely get by in the bus as it is." Kendall stated. "What makes you think that James would even let us have one?" Carlos gave a small shrug.

"I think my chances are pretty good." He smiled.

"That's nothing new." Kendall whispered to Logan. The smaller boy had smiled greatly; he was actually being talked too. Maybe Kendall still does like him.

"You should have seen it when he wanted that lollipop in January." Logan said. "He was practically shoving it in the teachers face, saying it was a necessity of life." Kendall laughed.

"Definitely sounds like Carlos." He stated. "One time he brought a baby crocodile home from the zoo. His mom told him he couldn't have it, so he stashed it under his bed." Now Logan laughed. They were actually having a conversation, Logan couldn't believe it.

"Ha, what happened?" Logan was dying to know.

"His mom found it a week later." Kendall laughed. "She took it back to the zoo, and they charged her with robbery!" Logan started to crack up. "She got locked up for a week, and then they let her go because it wasn't even her fault."

"Okay guys, next store," Carlos butted in and started to pull them away. "Maybe we should go to that Wal-Mart around the corner." Soon they were being pulled through some dark alley ways. For some strange reason, Carlos had a very good sense of direction. Almost completely after, they were staring at a Wal-Mart.

"Nice Carlitos," Kendall gave Carlos a high five.

"Guys, I'm going to go back to the tour bus okay?" Logan stated.

"Alright have fun," Carlos waved good-bye to him.

"Kay bye buddy," Kendall waved too. Buddy…he called Logan buddy. Logan smiled and continued to go. He passed by a few dark alleyways, and soon got lost. How did Carlos navigate this? Logan was studying to be a doctor, why couldn't he? He found his way back to the pet store, eventually. He slipped past the Seven Eleven, trying to remember where it was from there.

"Hey kid!" Logan looked down into a dark alley for someone that was called for him. Their voice seemed like a blade. "Got any money?" They stepped closer and Logan soon found them. "We need to get some weed, either you have money, or you have weed. Which is it?" He asked.

"I don't have anything." Logan grabbed into his pocket. "I got seventy-five cents." Logan pulled out some quarters.

"So you have weed?" The man cocked his head. Logan stuttered not knowing what to say. "Cause me and my boys can make some, with your face! Now what do you have!" they man started to grow impatient.

"I don't have anything!" Logan shouted out of fear, and turned around to make a bolt for it. Unfortunately, a hand grasped his shoulder and pulled him back so that a fist could connect to his jaw. Another pain shot in his side when a foot slammed into it. Not realizing them that much before, Logan now saw the other three guys.

"Guess it's face." The leader stated and punched Logan square in, guess where, his face. Soon another punch got him and Logan fell to the ground. The man threw a fist down, which Logan caught in his hand. "Wanna play tough guy eh?" The bulky guy pushed down very hard on Logan's arm. His biceps had to be twice as big as Logan's head. Suddenly more pain surged threw his arm as there was a very loud crackling noise…

**Later that night…**

James finished his concert and just barely entered the bus. He looked at the clock, 11:30. The brunette trolled into the bathroom, planning on doing his business. He noticed the roses, especially the bloody one, and swallowed a lump in his throat.

"Loges," James touched the rose in sadness. "Wait, where are they, and where the heck is Steven?" James questioned wondering where the boys and driver were. But Steven entered the van, with a Twinkie in hand.

"Oh, I was just getting some food sir, sorry." The 26 year old man apologized.

"Please Steven; really, we're practically family, quit with the nice boy." James demanded.

"Yes sir. In that case, shall we rock out to some awesome radio?" Steven hit the on button and "Pumped Up Kicks" came on. He turned it on full blast, and suddenly the bus seemed to be vibrating from the sound. Steven wasn't your average driver, once you got him out of his shell. "All the other kids with the pumped up kicks better run, better run, faster than my bullet." He started to sing along, and then changed the station. Now on was "Last Friday Night". "I love this song!" Steven shouted.

"Of course you do," James laughed and rolled his eyes. There was a loud pounding on the door.

"Please tell me someone's in here!"It was Kendall, who seemed terrified. James's spine tingled at the scary noise. He dashed to the door and opened it. He found Kendall and Carlos carrying Logan, who seemed to be pretty out of it.

"I'll care for him," James snatched Logan up, put him on the couch, and ordered for Steven to drive them to the hospital. "What's going on Logan? Where does it hurt?" James asked.

"Everywhere!" Logan shouted. His swelling eyes and huge lip spoke for themselves, but Logan seemed more focused on the pain in his forearm and side.

"What happened?" His head shot up to Kendall and Carlos.

"Well we went to Wal-Mart and Logan left." Carlos started. "So we got some things and on our way back we found him curled up on the ground crying for help." Carlos stated. "We carried him back here."

"Loges what happened? Kendall, get him some ice." James instructed, and Kendall went to the fridge. But Logan was too doubled over in pain to even speak.

"AH! Some guys-AH! W-we-wer-AH!" Logan could do nothings but scream. Kendall rushed back with the ice in a bad and gave it to James, who put the ice on Logan's side. "AH!" Logan yelped from the sharp pain.

"We're here!" Steven called back to them. Luckily for Logan, the hospital wasn't very far away from the arena. Immediately James grabbed him and rushed the smart boy inside. He got access to the nurses who rushed Logan away.

"Wait, I'm family!" James lied.

"No he's not!" Logan shouted. James had forgotten how Logan was still mad at him for events that had happened prior today. "Kendall come on," Logan called for the blonde. As he was called, Kendall rushed over to Logan and followed the nurses.

At the sight of them walking away, James couldn't help but wonder if Logan was starting like Kendall more. Was James really withering away this easily? They spent almost a year together being the closest of friends, and now it was all being thrown away in one day. James wasn't about to let this happen, he needed to tell someone, anyone, and the only one left to trust was Carlos.

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><p><strong>You know, as always please review, I'm open to questions, and if you just want to chat I'll do that too, but if it's all just chat I'll probably PM you. Thanks for everyone who reads and reviews.<strong>


	4. Friends Need To Know Some Secrets

**If I Ain't Got You**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

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><p><strong>Okay so this idea has just kind of been floating around in my head for a while. I've been deciding what to do in it, and what I should call it. At first it was "Halo" and then it was "Journey" but then I finally decided on this so…live with it if you can. So anyways, I'm finally starting it and I hope it goes over well :D. Please review and tell me what you think. I am kind of hoping to bring the song "If I ain't got you" into the story at least a little bit.<strong>

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><p><strong>Logan Henderson Is Mine: I really love Logan angst too! Haha, this could be a very beautiful friendship.<strong>

**Aqua786: I think that Logan might get beaten up a lot just because James is bigger, and he's not the nerd. And yes, I love the drama too. Also, the fans gave him the roses. Ho-ho-ho, he definitely has Kendall in James's mind…you'll see what I mean. Okay, I'm glad I could answer your questions. **

**CheekyBrunette: Well, although I'm glad that you like how Logan wanted Kendall so much more, you do still know that this is still Jagan right? Just saying, not a Kogan. Um, and I'm not sure if I'll make Kendall find out about his cutting or not just yet, but someone else will…but yeah I imagine if Kendall found out that he would be a pretty good friend.**

**Jazckson: Sadly, I think you and Aqua786 may be the only two that really cared for poor little Logan getting hurt, as sad as that is. Haha, and James's pain is a lot worse in this chapter, you'll see…poor James, haha I feel for my characters, I am definitely a little nerdy at heart.**

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><p>"I can't believe I let this happen!" James yelled and punched the door to the bus. "I promised him I'd be there and protect him, I promise him!" James forced the door to swing open as he rushed into the vehicle.<p>

"James, don't you think you're being a little too-,"

"Shut up!" James cut Carlos off. "You don't know what that meant to him!" James grew very angry. His voice came across with a blade that was sharp enough to almost cut Carlos. "I said I would be there, and I left! I knew what it meant to him, he trusted me, and I left!" James grabbed a plant and threw it into the wall. Suddenly, Carlos felt in danger.

"Do you want to be alone?" he asked.

"Why, so I can keep messing up?" James growled. "He always thought I would be there for him, and I left him and he went back to being miserable! I should have been there in the alley way with him, I should have defended him!" James let out a scream and clenched onto his hair. "And now he hates me, I can't have him hate me, Carlos, I just can't!" James slammed his head into a wall and let out a big sigh. "Now he's run off to Kendall…he can be happy…with Kendall…he'll grow closer…to Kendall…why does that blond get everything?" James punched the wall. "He gets the girls that ditch me; he has a better singing voice than me, he plays hockey better than I do, and now he has Logan too? What else can he take from me!" James yelled. "Why can't I just have something?"

"Okay calm down." Carlos stated. James took a few deep breaths and fell against the wall. The Latino guided him onto the floor, where he wrapped an arm around James. "Let's see, he gets the girls, but you get more. And who says he has a better singing voice? And although he may be better at hockey, you steal the puck more." Carlos said. "So why are you so grumbley?" he asked.

"Because none of that stuff matters!" James felt tears boil over in his eyes as he began to cry. "This is why I left, so when Logan actually finds someone-," James stopped himself and turned as white as a ghost. Carlos looked at James very confusingly.

"Wait, do you…_like_ Logan?" Carlos asked. There was a silence that tangoed in the room for a minute.

"The girls don't matter and neither do my singing and hockey skills if I don't have Logie!" Carlos was caught off by surprise. "He's all that matters to me!" James completely broke down and stuffed his face in Carlos's lap. "I just want to hold him, and kiss him, and just let him know that it'll all be okay tomorrow morning, and the day after that." Carlos felt his lap getting increasingly wet. "He needs to know that everything will be okay, but not by Kendall. Kendall will never love him the way that I can!" James slowly got up, not knowing what Carlos's reaction might be. However, the Latino looked frightened almost, and turned pale as a ghost. "Go on, tell me why it's wrong, tell me that he deserves better, tell me that I'm supposed to love a girl, not Logan. But you know what? Logan does have better than me, he has Kendall!" James got off of the floor and dashed back into his room.

"Wait, James!" Carlos called after him. He entered his room, where James had shoved his face in a pillow. "James, I don't get it." Carlos stated.

"What's there _to get_?" James cried.

"How come you left then? Because Logan would find someone else and then, he would forget about you?" Carlos tried to guess, but got most of it right.

"Because Logan would find someone to love, and no matter who it would be, they would stay with Logan forever because he's just that great. And I would have to sit there for the rest of my life, watching Logan fall in love with someone else and slowly tears my heart to pieces!" James shouted his sorrow. He felt a weight sit beside him, and a hand start to rub his back.

"It's okay James." Carlos stated. "I'm not grossed out." James's head lifted off of the pillow to stare at Carlos, his tears stopping temporarily.

"You're not?" James sniffed, and Carlos nodded his head no.

"Now come here, you look like you could use a good old Carlos hug fest." The Latino smiled and lifted his arms up for James. Soon, the brunet flew into his arms, and let the tears come loose, once again. "Okay so…Logan…he's gay?" Carlos questioned.

"I don't even know." James said. "But if he is, it's obvious who he wants to be with." James's heart cracked hard enough so that Carlos could feel it. His eyes trailed across the room and it found the bloody rose.

"James, are you cutting yourself?" Carlos asked in surprise.

"No," He answered. "Logan is…" Carlos's breath was sucked away by the response. "So you know how we were on the hockey team at the beginning of last year? Well after a couple months Logan started to feel left out, like really left out, and he started to cut himself. One day I noticed and that's when I took a vow to make Logan feel liked again. I invited him to do things with us, and that's when we kind of split down the middle. Me and Logan started to do more things. Then, after a while of that, I started to like Logan. I asked for his opinion on everything, like how I could look better, I just wanted to be perfect for him. So then I noticed that I was destroying who I am just to make Logan like me. So I tried out for this, and I got in. After I left, you and Kendall kept ignoring him, and he started cutting again." James explained.

"James." Carlos grabbed his friend by the shoulders after listening. "Look, if he does, or did, like you, it was because of who you were. You need to be yourself again, and go get him then if that's the truth. Don't beat yourself up just because you weren't there when Logan got jumped. You couldn't have done anything, you were at the concert." Carlos had tried to make James feel a little better. "And let's face it, Kendall's nothing like you." Carlos said. They heard the door open and shut, and speak of the devil, Kendall walked in the room.

"So the nurses said they'll put a cast on him and have him out of there tomorrow morning so he can keep going with us." Kendall told them. He noticed Carlos hugging James closely, who was obviously crying. "James what's wrong?" Kendall asked, but received the death glare from James.

"Kendall, can I talk to you in the bathroom for a second?" Carlos asked and grabbed Kendall into the room, closing the door behind him. "Look, James is going through some deep shit right now, and would you mind just like, not talking to him, like at all?" Carlos asked. "Give him a few days and then maybe he will have calmed down by then." Carlos stated.

"Sure, I guess I could do that." Kendall said. "I'll just stick to you and Logan then." Well, what was Carlos supposed to say? Sorry, no you can't talk to Logan either for some reasons I just can't tell you.

"Sounds like a good plan." Carlos said, immediately regretting it.

"So is he mad at me or something?" Kendall asked. Well, Carlos wasn't good at making things up as he goes along, so he didn't say anything and walked back out of the bathroom. Kendall followed the Latino out, but instead went to go to bed. Carlos on the other hand, went up and hugged James again.

"If you want I'll sleep with you back here tonight?" Carlos offered, to which James nodded into his arms.

"Just help me for now, but once Logan gets back, I plan on apologizing my ass off." James said.

"Why don't you just tell him how you feel?" Carlos suggested. "I know it's really out of your comfort zone, and I know it might be impossible for you to do, but if you don't try, you'll never know."

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><p><strong>I promise you guys that all that will go to is Jarlos FRIENDSHIP, I am not hinting to it at all. This is still very much a Jagan fic. Anyways please review, as usual.<strong>


	5. Logan Comes Back

**If I Ain't Got You**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

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><p><strong>Okay so this idea has just kind of been floating around in my head for a while. I've been deciding what to do in it, and what I should call it. At first it was "Halo" and then it was "Journey" but then I finally decided on this so…live with it if you can. So anyways, I'm finally starting it and I hope it goes over well :D. Please review and tell me what you think. I am kind of hoping to bring the song "If I ain't got you" into the story at least a little bit.<strong>

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><p><strong>Aqua786: Sorry, the drama's kind of going to be low for a few chapters, but I was going to make it so he didn't tell Logan anyways. And yes, I know you want explanations, but really the only reason why is just because they became best-friends with James and Logan just kind of faded away. So after James left, it was just them and they didn't talk to Logan that much. Oh but don't you worry, I have some future plans for Logan…he he heh hehehehehe. Sorry that's my best evil laugh over letters, even though it doesn't even make me feel like an evil person, it makes me feel like a creeper. And yes, I see what you're doing there…but I'm lactose intolerant…jk. Haha. Oh and fair warning, I just need to tell someone, you probably aren't going to like the next chapter of "Not So innocent" very much. It's like last minute drama, but it might make there be another chapter, so that might be a plus.<strong>

**CheekyBrunette: yeah Jarlos and Kogan…not really my favorites. I just don't really care for Jarlos that much, and Kogan is just overdone. But anyways, this one's more Jagan-y. And yes, I would love a Carlos hug fest too! As for freak outs, I feel like they go by a lot faster than in my head, you know. **

**Jessayra: Oh thank you so much, I personally like the idea (But of course I did, it's in the story). :)**

**Scarlett: Oh Logan and James, what depressed little people. And Carlos really is super nice! But sadly, Jagan has to wait for a little while longer.**

**Logan Henderson Is Mine: Yeah Logan angst is just my favorite, but then again I do like James angst a lot too. And thank you!**

**Jazckson: James…it gets better for him, but still kind of sad. And Carlos would be an amazing friend, I just have to say. And don't worry, things will be improving.**

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><p>The boys had waited for Logan for a long time. The doctors said he would be out by tomorrow, which apparently meant two in the morning the day after. Logan had been helped into the bus by a couple of nice doctors, but no one was awake. He looked around, not seeing Carlos on the couch like usual. Instead he was in the passenger seat, while Steven was sleeping on the driver's seat. Logan laughed to himself, and tapped Kendall's shoulder.<p>

"Hey, wake up." Logan whispered.

"What?" Kendall squinted his eyes, and they shot open when they saw Logan.

"Logan!" He shouted in a whisper. "You're out of the hospital!" Kendall slowly slid down from his bed. "Are you doing okay, what was the damage?" Kendall had grown very curious.

"Well, they broke my forearm, and cracked one of my ribs, but besides that it's all bruises and cuts." Logan told him. "I think I'll make it through." Kendall gave Logan a hug, cautiously avoiding his cast on his arm, and not pressing on his rib cage.

"I hope it gets better fast, or how else are you going to play hockey with us in Oregon?" Kendall gave Logan a playful smirk.

"You might just have to do it without me." Logan smiled. "But I'll be in the stands waiting, and cheering." Kendall rolled his eyes at his re-found friend.

"Kendall who are you talking too?" Carlos squinted up and noticed it was Logan. "Oh my God, it's Logan!" Carlos shouted, which woke up Steven.

"Carlos, keep it down." Steven scolded him.

"Sorry." Carlos said and jumped up next to Kendall and Logan. "What's going on with you? Well, besides the rib and arm." Carlos smirked, and was punched by Kendall. "Ow." Carlos complained.

"You would think after all of these years that you could learn when and when not to talk." Kendall giggled to himself as Carlos rubbed his arm.

"But it really hurt!" Carlos whined.

"Carlos!" Steven scolded again. "Don't scream, James needs to be rested for his concert tomorrow."

"Too late for that." James entered the room. "Carlos is like a one-man fire alarm." James smiled. "Once he knows, everyone knows." Carlos shrugged his arms and gave a timid smile. James's gaze shifted towards Logan now. "Um…hey buddy, can we talk?" James asked, to which Logan gave a slow nod.

"Hey Steven, come with us to the bathroom." Carlos grabbed onto Kendall's arm and dragged him out of the tour bus. "Good luck." Carlos whispered into James's ear on the way out.

"The bathroom? Last time I recall, we're _boys_!" Kendall shouted, but the door closed on him. Steven unlocked the door, and stepped out of the bus, going with Carlos and Kendall. This left James and Logan alone.

"I'm really sorry." James started. "I shouldn't have yelled at you the other day. You're right; I should've stayed with you. I'm a horrible friend." James looked down at his feet, not able to stare Logan down any further.

"You're not a horrible friend." Logan sat down on the couch. "You were the whole reason I stopped cutting myself in the first place. I shouldn't have come down on you like that; you were just following your dreams." Logan forced James to look him in the eye. "And now I have Kendall too." A pain shot in James's chest as his thoughts raced about how Kendall doesn't deserve Logan. "So it's not like I'll be cutting anytime soon. Especially with this cast on." Logan smiled. Suddenly, a bigger pain made James feel almost sick. He had to tell Logan. The boy was perfect, and even if it cost him their friendship, James just had to know if Logan could, or ever would like James back.

"Logan," James started. "There's something I need to tell you…" James said, his voice starting to crack.

"Yeah?" Logan asked. His perfectly cute and innocent face made James tremble even more inside. He couldn't have that face look at him any different.

"I just want to let you know I've been going through a lot of pain in the past for a long time. And please just take it easy on me." James sighed; he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"James…you're going through pain?" Logan asked, those brown eyes filled with worry. But Logan had enough going on with him, he didn't need to worry about James too. "What's hurting you?" Logan asked.

"No Logan, I can't tell you. I wish I could, but I just can't." James tried to look away from Logan, who got in his vision again.

"You can tell me anything James. I won't judge you or act different or anything." Logan couldn't help but worry; it's just the way he is. "Can you show me?" He asked. Instantly James's hand cupped Logan's cheek, and he thought about pulling him in for a kiss. But fear struck inside of him.

"I can't show you." He lied. "But on top of all everything I have going on, you don't need to get hurt anymore. If I was there in that alleyway with you, I would have fought and fought till my last breath." James's hand dropped from his cheek, but he missed the feel already.

"I probably deserved it." Logan's gaze dropped to the floor, trying not to let James see his face. "No one likes me…"

"God damn it!" James shouted, suddenly mad, and he punched the wall again. "Why can't you see how wonderful you really are?" James turned back to Logan. "I would give anything to have a heart like yours, or to be nice as nice as you, I've never met anybody whose better." James got closer to Logan. "And no Logan, you didn't deserve it, you didn't deserve any of it. You deserve to be held and cared for and loved by-," James cut himself off before he revealed everything. "someone…"

"James, are you okay?" Logan noticed his mood had changed sad after.

"I'm fine. Just forgive me please?" James asked.

"I forgive you." Logan nodded and gave James a hug, trying to help him feel a little better.

The hug was very helpful to James. He loved the feel of Logan's warm chest meeting his own. It felt like home to James. This was where he wanted his life to be, with Logan under his arms, where he belonged. It made him forget all of his problems, holding Logan. He held him there a minute longer than necessary, just for his own personal needs. The smaller boy pulled away slightly, and already James was crying on the inside. He just wanted Logan back, or just to have things be like the way they used to. He didn't realize how much he missed the days when it was just him and Logan until their fight. But now Logan had Kendall, and James would never have those days again. Suddenly, James's phone started to ring.

"You can get that." Logan stated, backing away from James. The taller brunet grabbed his phone, looked at it, and muted it. "Who is it?" Logan asked.

"Tiffany." He stated. "But she's not as important as you are. To me at least…" James tossed his phone on the couch. "Now will you promise me one thing?" James asked Logan, who nodded. "I don't care what you do for the rest of the day, but tomorrow, please be backstage. I'm just really nervous about you, and I know it probably won't happen again, but I just need to know that you're safe-,"

"Done." Logan stated and gathered James into another hug. The taller boy gave a sigh of relief when Carlos, Kendall, and Steven walked in.

"Aw. Precious!" Carlos exclaimed. James looked at Carlos and shook his head no a little bit, so Carlos would know that nothing happened.

"Hey we're back from our trip to the bathroom." Kendall's voice was flat and seemed rather annoyed.

"It was pretty fun…" Steven's voice mimicked Kendall's.

"Hey guys." Logan smiled and rushed to Kendall's side. James's face turned sad again. Logan was still attached to Kendall, whether James liked it or not.

"It'll be okay buddy." Carlos whispered into James's ear. James couldn't tell Logan how he felt directly, but he _could_ do it discreetly. And James knew just what he was going to do. He was going to fight, fight for his attention, fight for his affection. James was going to fight for Logan.

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><p><strong>How much did you guys like that hug huh? :D The first one though, the second one was kind of pathetic. But anyway, please review, I bet that gets old to see it at the end of every chapter.<strong>


	6. If I Ain't Got You

**If I Ain't Got You**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

* * *

><p><strong>Okay so this idea has just kind of been floating around in my head for a while. I've been deciding what to do in it, and what I should call it. At first it was "Halo" and then it was "Journey" but then I finally decided on this so…live with it if you can. So anyways, I'm finally starting it and I hope it goes over well :D. Please review and tell me what you think. I am kind of hoping to bring the song "If I ain't got you" into the story at least a little bit.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Jazckson: Oh don't be worrying about James being blue, that shall soon be fixed. Haha that reminds of this part on Bridesmaids (if you've seen it), the main character's like talking to a couple that's about to be married and they're looking for a ring. So she goes "Oh you two are gonna get married, you <strong>_**love**_** each other? **_**That**_** will go away." Haha, oh I love it! **

**CheekyBrunette: I love how put it is "rather epic" it made me laugh. Anyways, James is not going down without a fight, I promise.**

**Logan Henderson Is Mine: Jagan fluff, I love it! I think that I say I love things too much..hmm…Anways, here's more.**

**Scarlett: Oh dear kogan…party of 1 ( Kendall) . Uh, and Jagan…party of 2 (James and Logan). I'm sorry, haha, I love them too much.**

**Aqua786: Yeah, don't worry, I know it was you. And don't worry I have the cuddling issue fixed for you. And you saw why you wouldn't like Not So Innocent…yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone wants to kill Dak now. Poor Logan, he goes throw a lot of crap in that story. Yeah, I'm sure Carlos's hugs would be great, but I would always make James hug me…although Carlos's are probably better. And I'm glad I could add at least a little bit of humor into this story. Anyways, yeah we do have 4 coversations, it's funny. :D**

* * *

><p><strong>Okay so I decided since I got home early and stuff, I would update one of my stories. And well, I'm kind of excited to write this chapter and the next one, so I chose this story :D. You know, I think that those smiley face (:D) things are taking over. Everywhere I look there's one. Like even at school, in theatre my friend drew a smiley face like that on the white board and I just looked and said. "You know you're not even texting or on the computer right?" And I pointed at the smiley face, and she told me to shut up…<strong>

* * *

><p>It was around one in the afternoon, and everyone was still asleep from being woken up at one. Kendall and Carlos had slept in their regular beds, and James and Logan, now being fine with each other, decided to share the bed again. Logan had to admit that he already liked James more. He had seemed to care a lot more lately, and made Logan's heart jump a little. As of right now, James had decided to fight early. He kept Logan in his arms the whole night, not letting him move an inch, and he was super careful of not touching Logan's ribs. Logan smiled as he was super close and pinned into James's chest. So there was really only one thing to do. Logan bent his head into James's neck and rested it there. His right arm, which was casted, could easily wrap around James. As for his left arm, he had to try and snuggle it through the space under James to wrap it around.<p>

"Comfortable?" James asked, grinning as he opened one eye. Logan nuzzled his head into James's neck even more.

"Very." Logan gave a timid smile. James looked down at Logan and sighed out of relief. This was where Logan belonged, and James knew it.

"Good." James stated.

"James," Logan dropped his head in front of James's. "I have something I want to tell you. I know you'll be grossed out by it, but just tell me we can still be friends okay?" Logan gave James a pair of wonderful puppy dog eyes without even trying.

"Logan, we'll always be friends, and I'll make sure of it." James said. Soon, James felt a hand cup his cheek and heard Logan gulp. Suddenly, the curtains rushed open and Kendall was standing in front of them.

"Hey James you need to get in there, rehearsal is about to start for you." Kendall pointed out, and then realized how the two boys were lying down. "Are you about to kiss?" Kendall looked at them kind of freaked out a bit.

"No," Logan said. "James, I'll tell you later." Logan stated and the taller boy nodded.

"Hey, do you want to come to rehearsal with me. We're probably just going over dances and warm-ups, so no surprises will be revealed."James offered, and it sounded pretty good to Logan.

"Okay," Logan smiled. The two boys hopped off of the bed, got dressed, and flew into the stadium.

**(Scene Change)**

It was now later at night and James and Logan had been having a really fun time. But now was time for the concert, and James had made Logan wait backstage. A, because he really didn't want anyone to hurt him in the audience, and B, because he needed Logan to hear him sing his special messages. Well now James was finishing up one of his own songs that he recorded.

"**Any kind-any kind- any kind- any kind of guy you want.**

**You decided, change your mind, I'll be there.**

**I'll be there!**" James let another one of his bigger notes fly, which made the crowd go crazy.

"**You decided, it's alright, I will be there.**" James clapped his hand to his side for a few seconds.

"**Bring it back**." He laughed to himself while the music continued.

"**Any kind- any kind- any kind of guy you want.**

**You decide, it's alright,**

**Will. Be. There**." James smiled as his fans jumped out of their seats and clapped wildly. James went closer to the edge of the stage and reached his arm out to a couple of fans. Soon, a stool came out, and James looked at it.

"You all don't mind if I sit here right?" James smiled, and the crowd cheered. "Awesome." James stated and sat down. "So as you all know, it's getting closer and closer to Christmas, and that's one of my favorite holidays. So on my new album I did a cover of "All I Want for Christmas"," James stated, and the crowd started to cheer again. "So, here's that song, and I hope you like it." Soon, the bells started to chime in and James grinned at the thought of relating Logan to this song.

**"I don't want a lot for Christmas**

**There is just one thing I need**

**I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree**

**I just want you for my own more than you could ever know**

**Make my wish come true**

**All I want for Christmas is you**

**It's YOU  
>I don't want a lot for Christmas<strong>

**There is just one thing I need**

**Don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree**

**I don't need to hang my stocking there upon the fireplace**

**Santa Claus won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas day  
>I just want you for my own<strong>

**More than you could ever know**

**Make my wish come true**

**All I want for Christmas is you**

**Yooou baby  
>I won't ask for much this Christmas<strong>

**I won't even wish for snow**

**I'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe**

**I won't make a list and sent it to the North Pole for Saint Nick**

**I won't even stay awake to hear those magic reindeer's click  
>Cause I just want you here tonight<strong>

**Holding onto me so tight**

**What more can I do?**

**All I want for Christmas is you**

**Yooou baby  
>Oh! All the lights are shining so brightly everywhere <strong>

**And the sound of children's laughter fills the air**

**And everyone is singing**

**I hear those sleigh bells ringing**

**Santa won't you bring me the one I really need**

**Won't you please bring my baby to me? oooh  
>I don't want a lot for Christmas This is all I'm asking for<strong>

**I just wanna see my baby standing right outside my door**

**I just want you for my own more than you could ever know**

**Make my wish come true**

**Baby all I want for Christmas is you**

**Yooou baby  
>All I want for Christmas is you baby<strong>

**You're all I want**

**You're all I need**

**Christmas day baby you and me  
>You're all I want You're all I need<strong>

**Christmas Day baby you and me" **James couldn't help but occasionally look backstage during parts of the song. If he was going to secretly sing it to him, he needed to at least look at him.

"So how was that one?" James asked, and the crowd cheered. "Nice, just what I wanted to hear," He smiled at them. "Anyways, so this next song is another cover. But this one is a coevr of one of my favorite songs, and one of the most beautiful things ever written… 'Halo' by the one and only Beyonce, ladies and gentlemen." James giggled as he heard a bunch of shrieks. Soon, the piano playing chimed in.

"**Remember those walls I built  
>Well, baby they're tumbling down<br>And they didn't even put up a fight  
>They didn't even make a sound<strong>

**I found a way to let you in**  
><strong>But I never really had a doubt<strong>  
><strong>Standing in the light of your halo<strong>  
><strong>I got my angel now<strong>

**It's like I've been awakened**  
><strong>Every rule I had you breakin'<strong>  
><strong>It's the risk that I'm takin'<strong>  
><strong>I ain't never gonna shut you out<strong>

**Everywhere I'm looking now**  
><strong>I'm surrounded by your embrace<strong>  
><strong>Baby I can see your halo<strong>  
><strong>You know you're my saving grace<strong>

**You're everything I need and more**  
><strong>It's written all over your face<strong>  
><strong>Baby I can feel your halo<strong>  
><strong>Pray it won't fade away<strong>

**Halo  
>Halo<br>Halo  
>Halo<br>**  
><strong>Hit me like a ray of sun<br>Burning through my darkest night  
>You're the only one that I want<br>Think I'm addicted to your light**

**I swore I'd never fall again**  
><strong>But this don't even feel like falling<strong>  
><strong>Gravity can't forget<strong>  
><strong>To pull me back to the ground again<strong>

**Feels like I've been awakened  
>Every rule I had you breakin'<br>The risk that I'm takin'  
>I'm never gonna shut you out<strong>

**Everywhere I'm looking now**  
><strong>I'm surrounded by your embrace<strong>  
><strong>Baby I can see your halo<strong>  
><strong>You know you're my saving grace<strong>

**You're everything I need and more**  
><strong>It's written all over your face<strong>  
><strong>Baby I can feel your halo<strong>  
><strong>Pray it won't fade away<strong>

**Halo  
>Halo<br>Halo  
>Halo<strong>

**Halo**  
><strong>Halo<strong>  
><strong>Halo<strong>  
><strong>Halo<strong>  
><strong>Halo, halo<strong>

**Everywhere I'm looking now**  
><strong>I'm surrounded by your embrace<strong>  
><strong>Baby I can see your halo<strong>  
><strong>You know you're my saving grace<strong>

**You're everything I need and more**  
><strong>It's written all over your face<strong>  
><strong>Loga- Baby I can feel your halo<strong>  
><strong>Pray it won't fade away<strong>

**Halo**  
><strong>Halo<strong>

**Halo  
>Halo<strong>

**Halo**  
><strong>Halo<strong>  
><strong>Halo<strong>  
><strong>Halo<strong>," James could barely keep up with his almost mistake. He had been looking at Logan too long, and his heart had become too overwhelming. But for Logan, that's when this all clicked for him. He was crippled, not stupid. "So um, my last and final cover is another one of those beautiful songs called 'If I Ain't Got You' by the phenomenal Alicia Keys!" James shouted very loudly and saw Logan's smug smile.

"**Some people live for the fortune**

**Some people live just for the fame**

**Some people live for the power, yeah**

**Some people live just to play the game," **James shifted another glance at Logan, who was grinning wildly, either very happy with the song choice, or just happy for some reason.**  
><strong>**"Some people think**

**That the physical things**

**Define what's within**

**And I've been there before**

**That life's a bore**

**So full of the superficial****  
><strong>

**Some people want it all**

**But I don't want nothing at all**

**If it ain't you, baby**

**If I ain't got you, baby****  
><strong>**Some people want diamond rings**

**Some just want everything**

**But everything means nothing**

**If I ain't got you, yeah," **James now decided it was time to give hints, actually hoping that maybe Logan would catch on. He gave him a slight wink, and turned back towards the audience.

**"Some people search for a fountain**

**Promises forever young**

**Some people need three dozen roses**

**And that's the only way to prove you love them," **James knew that Logan didn't need three dozen roses. James knew that he would be happy just to have love. Logan would always talk about how much love would mean to him, and that he'd probably never find it. But James was there for him every step of the way, and plans to be the one to love him. He would make Logan's dreams come true. He would fight to the nail to have Logan's dreams come true.

**"And in a world on a silver platter**

**And wondering what it means**

**No one to share but no one who truly cares for me,"** Suddenly, with new found energy, James bounced off of his stool and started towards the audience. The stage seemed to glow and shine just for James and Logan.**  
><strong>

"**Some people want it all**

**But I don't want nothing at all**

**If it ain't you, baby**

**If I ain't got you, baby****  
><strong>**Some people want diamond rings**

**Some just want everything**

**But everything means nothing**

**If I ain't got you, you, you****  
><strong>

**Some people want it all**

**But I don't want nothing at all**

**If it ain't you, baby**

**If I ain't got you, baby****  
><strong>**Some people want diamond rings**

**Some just want everything**

**But everything means nothing**

**If I ain't got you, yeah****  
><strong>**If I ain't got you with me, baby oh**

**Said nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing**

**I ain't got you with me, baby**," James finished and stepped off of the stool. He knew that what he had just sung was amazing, and hoped that it was good enough to win Logan over, but what he didn't know was he already had. As soon as the curtains closed in front of James for set changes, Logan dashed as fast as he could over to James and gave him a huge hug. But now, Logan definitely knew what was going on, and now, it was time for Logan to do something…

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><p><strong>I'm so sorry that this chapter was mostly songs, but it was a concert after all. Anyways keep reviewing please, they mean the world to me.<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**If I Ain't Got You**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

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><p><strong>Aqua786: Yeah, Kendall's going to be kind of annoying that way. And I agree I want to hear him sing solo. I think it's funny how Kendall's the reason they got in, when like on the show and stuff, Logan, Carlos, and James all have betters singing voices. Oh yeah, I always kind of want to do solos in choir, but I always chicken out. Yeah, I would probably be more careful than to say my crush's name though during a song. Yeah, I think Jett and Dak will end up having a thing on Not So Innocent though, just heads up. Oh and I keep waiting for a Dak and James fic, but no one writes them…So my order for best hugs would be 1. Carlos 2. James 3. Kendall , just 'cause I think it would be awkward too. <strong>

**Scarlett: I enjoy writing people singing song, but you probably noticed that by now. Yeas, Jagan is indeed very sweet. Haha.**

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><p><strong>Okay so this idea has just kind of been floating around in my head for a while. I've been deciding what to do in it, and what I should call it. At first it was "Halo" and then it was "Journey" but then I finally decided on this so…live with it if you can. So anyways, I'm finally starting it and I hope it goes over well :D. Please review and tell me what you think. I am kind of hoping to bring the song "If I ain't got you" into the story at least a little bit.<strong>

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><p>Later that night the two boys had returned to the bus and started to relax inside of the bus. In other words, James was too tired to do stuff, but couldn't go to sleep from the rush. They relaxed on the couch while Steve was out with Carlos and Kendall. Knowing Steve, he was probably teaching them to gamble. Meanwhile, James and Logan were on the couch, and James's arm was holding Logan pretty closely.<p>

"So what do you think about the concert?" James asked. "Was it good? Did you like it? Do I have to improve my vocals?" James was eager to know Logan's opinion. Actually he was a little too eager.

"James, it was great, you don't have to improve on anything. Your vocals were good, and yes, I did enjoy it." Logan stated.  
>"You're just saying that." James stated, and Logan rolled his eyes. The brunet boy was very stubborn when it came to him doing things. Unless it was about how good he looked, he didn't normally take compliments. It must have come from a young age, or from his mom or dad.<p>

"But," Logan said, and James frowned. "You almost messed up the lyrics on Halo." Logan stated, and James immediately felt sick. He started running through it in his head, thinking about what if Logan knew, or if he had to run away again. But James couldn't run away, not again, not when he seems so close to getting what he wants. It could be the one thing James has that Kendall doesn't. He wanted, and needed to have Logan.

"No I didn't." James lied. "It must have been the heat backstage messing with your head. I remembered all of the lyrics perfectly." James began to make up excuses. "Or maybe it's the pain finally getting to your head.

"No, I'm on medication, I don't have any pain." Logan stated, and then regretted it moments after.

"Ah-ha see, you're drugged. It was probably just those getting to you!" James shouted, excited that he actually came up with a good excuse. It was always hard for James to get out of situations like that with a good excuse.

"Yeah, I'm drugged, but not _that _drugged." Logan smiled at James. "Just admit that you almost messed up the lyrics, and we can move on…" Soon, there was a groan from James.

"Ugh, fine I _almost_ messed up the lyrics." James stated. "I haven't heard that's song that much. All I know is that my producer wanted me to learn it, and sing it at a few concerts." James said. "That song, If I Ain't Got You, and a few others." James listed. "What about you Logan, do you have any pipes?"

"Please," Logan giggled. "I'm studying to be a doctor, why on earth would I have a good singing voice?" Logan asked, and made James smile.

"Maybe you just have some crazy singing talent that I just don't know about. I've never ever heard you sing, and neither has Kendall or Carlos. I want to hear you belt some stuff, come on." James stated. "I really want to hear you."

"No," Logan stated.

"Come on,"

"No,"

"Please,"

"No!"

"Logan?"

"NO!" Logan shouted. "All you will ever hear me sing, is when I beep-box." Logan stated.

"Exactly, that's not singing really. It's just making the beat and music with your mouth. I can't hear anything out of that." James stated. "Please Logie. For me?" James asked, and gave Logan the most adorable puppy dog eyes he's ever seen. And since Logan was already attached to the boy, it worked just that much more. Well, at least until Logan had to think about it.

"James, I said no, and that's final." Logan restated.

"Fine, I get it, you hate me." James stated, and turned his head away from Logan.

"James, you know I don't hate you," Logan said.

"So you'll sing for me?"

"NO!" Logan giggled at his friend.

"I don't know how I can ever forgive you for this Logan. It kind of hurt me…" James gave a fake sniffle, and again, turned his head away from Logan. The smaller boy gave a laugh, and now that he thought he knew, it was time to see.

"James…" Logan's arm started rubbing up and down on James's other arm, and his head rested on James's shoulder, which was dangerously close to his face. This caught James's attention. "Please forgive me?" Logan asked and his hand started to rub on James's neck, which was surprisingly relaxing to James. "Please?" Logan asked again, getting a little closer, and making his best puppy dog face.

"O-ok-okay." James stuttered. "Uh, I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." James stated, and rushed away, leaving Logan alone on the couch. He rushed to the mirror, and stared at himself. "Pull yourself together!" James demanded. "Not only is there a freaking hot nerdy boy on the couch, that you have loved since a year ago, but he's sleeping in your bed with you too! So you need to stay calm and make sure mr…wee wee-," James giggled a little. "Okay this is no time for jokes James, don't get hard, and don't let anything show, and you might just make it through the rest of the day and night with that mother effing hot nerdy boy!" James continued to stare at himself. "…man I would so have a crush on me." He smiled and bumped his eyebrows at himself. "You come here often?"

"James are you talking to yourself?" Logan asked, and James blushed…and he was clear in the bathroom.

"No, I'm…uh, on the phone!" James smiled from relief as he came up with a good answer. "Okay look Diamond," James continued. "I need to know if Logan likes me, so I have to tell him. I just have too. Logan I love you." James said under his breath. "No, too casual…Logan, can I talk to you? I have these feelings that have been in me for too long, and they just need to come out so…no too soap opera….Loges, ever since we've been friends, I grew feelings for you, and they turned out to be stronger than I thought, and the truth is, I love you…" James fell against the wall in the bathroom.

"James are you okay?" Logan asked, and James rolled his eyes and sighed from hearing him. He couldn't tell him, he wanted too, but he couldn't. He needed some help.

"I'm fine." He called back, and dialed in Carlos's phone number. The phone rang a number of times, and the boy answered.

"Hello?" Carlos answered in a very busy place.

"Hey Carlos, quick question. You're alone with Logan and we're practically cuddling on the couch and he starts this adorable thing where he cuddles up next to you and you lose your breath and you rush into the bathroom, what do you do?"

"Okay I get it. I would get in there and tell him how I feel already!" Carlos practically shouted on the other line.

"Wrong." James stated. "You tell me to take your place so I can tell him how I feel." James stated, and he heard a laugh on the other line.

"Whatever, just tell him. I got to go, bye." Carlos clicked away, and James sighed. He was on his own now. The tall brunet stumbled out of the bathroom, and reassumed his position on the couch next to Logan.  
>"Hey." James stated. "I'm back."<p>

"Good." Logan said.

"Oh, good, huh?" James smiled and bumped his eyebrows at Logan.

"Yeah, I didn't want you to be in there all night." Logan smiled. Yeah, it was probably best if James didn't spend all night in the bathroom…you know…things might come up in Logan's head.

"Yeah…"James trailed off. "Uh so Logan, I have something to tell you." James took a breath to try and relieve the pressure. "You know how much I've missed you right? You've been gone for a while- well I've been gone for a while. And you know, I've tried to run away from my feelings about someone, but that didn't work. And now they're stronger than ever. And Logan that certain someone…" James tried to avoid eye contact. "It's you. I need you, and I want you, and I love you!" James shot up from the couch. "This was dumb, I shouldn't have done this, I should have just-,"

"James." Logan grabbed his hand. "It's okay." Logan stated. "And don't you dare pull away, because that's my bad arm." Logan was a lot more clever than he looked. "And James…" Logan other arm pulled James back to where he was. "It's okay that you feel that way." They both sat back down on the couch.

"No it's not Logan, it's weird. We share a bed for crying out loud! How can I contain myself when everything I want to do is just-," James couldn't hold it anymore, and he planted one right on Logan. It was the best feeling he had ever felt yet. But just as he was about to pull away, Logan kissed back.

"James, I love you too." Logan confessed. "You have been the only one who ever watched out for me. The only one that's ever been there. You were the one that got away. But I was lucky enough to get a second chance, and I want you too. Please, don't make this trip be a waste for me…the only reason I went along with it was to get you back." James smiled softly, and gave Logan another kiss.

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><p><strong>So, please continue to review you guys.<strong>


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